A new love

Mark tried to make Grace mad at work all week just to throw her off as to what he was about to do since she was always so suspicious, he had made her so mad one day that she was actually on the verge of breaking up with him. Mark told Grace to be ready at 6:00pm that he was going to take her to dinner at Cracker barrel. Halfway through dinner mark got so nervous that he passed the ring box across the table and said “I have something for you”, Grace didn’t know what was happening but she opened the box and saw a pretty diamond ring. Mark said “Will you marry me”? and everyone in the restraint applauded, of course Grace said yes and that was it they were engaged. Shortly after they got married at the local court house because Grace found out she was expecting another baby.

A couple months later Grace had a baby named Elizabeth and Aspen & Luke were very happy to have another sibling. Grace and Mark also bought a new house in a new neighborhood and everyone was happy. Aspen was now 10 and Luke was 9. A few months after being moved into the new house Grace received a call that Grandpa Mason had hit the back of a trailer on his car and was in the hospital. They went to the nursing home for several months after the accident and they were doing all they could do for him. Eventually he got so sick and it landed him in the hospital again and was put on life support. The family discussed that allowing him to be with the lord was the best decision and he passed away as Aspen and Luke were in the elevator on the way up to see him and say their goodbyes. Aspen was crushed when she heard the news shortly after that. Her whole world felt like it turned upside down. One of the closest people in her life was now gone and ever since she has been trying to find that “home” feeling.

Years went by…beach vacations…birthdays…school years and Aspen became a teenager and was starting her freshman year in high school. Luke was 11 months younger than Aspen so he was always a grade under and it happened to be his last year of middle school. Aspen had gotten an enemy during the summer before the semester started because she happened to say her friend was prettier than the girl in the same pic everyone was saying was so beautiful. The girl Olivia in the pic happened to not like it and advised that she would see Aspen on the 1st say of High school. Olivia was many years older than Aspen so  this made Aspen very nervous and she decided to ride with her friend Tiffany to school that day incase anything were to pop off. Aspen and Tiffany arrived at their new high school and got anxious as they walked into the court yard looking for their friends….Aspen looked across the court yard and there was Olivia….She looked straight at Aspen…..

I can’t believe you

Grace was trying to get home as fast as she could…all she could think about is how this was happening to her yet AGAIN! Every emotion was going through her head and she pulled into their yard. She got out the car and rushed into the house finding Russell sitting on the couch. She said “how dare you have a woman in this house, I’m getting all my things and I’m leaving you.” Russell  already knew that he had nothing to say so instead of showing her how he really felt he just put on a front of I don’t care. The more he put on the front the more upset Grace got. She went through stages of crying, got mad and slapped him, and finally packed all of their belongings and headed towards Grandpa Mason’s house. Grace picked up both Aspen and Luke from school that day and explained what had happened to them. Aspen was always talking to Grace about her problems so this was normal conversation. Aspen told her mom well its good that you left him, you could do much better and don’t deserve treatment like that. Deep down inside both Aspen and Luke were just happy to finally be back into their Grandpa’s house. It just always felt so homey to them and they just adored it. Grandpa Mason told Grace “Well I hope you learned your lesson, you don’t need to be dragging those kids back and forth and putting them into situations like that”, he was also very happy that he had his two grand children back at home. Russell called nonstop over the week and every time Grace spoke with him she believed him a little more and wanted to actually forgive him. Aspen and Luke prayed that she wouldn’t give him another chance, but after about two weeks she dragged them back because she said he deserved another “chance”. Once Grace got back they argued non stop because lets be honest after something like cheating happens in a relationship that issue is always brought up. They stayed there for about a month and Russell and Grace decided to just call it quits. So back again they went to grandpa’s house. Grandpa didn’t even say anything this time once they got there, he just shook his head.

Everything seemed to be going good for a couple months. Aspen and Luke were spending a lot of time with their babysitter and best friends, and Grace seemed to be liking her new job at a warehouse and even started to talk to a new guy named Mark.  Grace really wasn’t too fond of Mark at first because he wasn’t her usual “type”, but Mark eventually talked her into going on a date with him. One date turned into two..then three, and eventually Mark told Grace that Aspen and Luke could come along for one of the dates. They all went to adventure island and then pizza inn, and all seemed to have a good time. Mark and grace kind of grossed them out because all they wanted to do was make out etc.., but Mark did seem different from other guys that Grace had been used to. Mark would invite them all to spend the night all the time and would make special dinners for everyone and this lasted for a few months. One night before everyone left to go back home Mark called Aspen into his bedroom and showed her a tiny black box, when he opened it Aspen was shocked..it was a diamond. Mark said I’m going to ask your mother to marry me…….Aspen thought here we go again…..

A new man…

……..Grace continued to drink after about two weeks after she came home. She would give excuses to Aspen & Luke that she needed it or that they had no idea what she has had to go through in her life and that continued for a few years…same alcohol…different guys. When Aspen tuned 8 and Luke was 7, Grace met a man that she immediately fell in love with named Russell. Russell was in a wheel chair from an incident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. After a few months of dating Grace and Russell had a small wedding at the local courthouse. Everything seemed to be going great for the first few months but Russell had some deep internal issues. Aspen always liked Russell but he always seemed to be really hard on her brother Luke and she that’s what she didn’t like. If Luke did anything wrong Russell would make Luke go get a kitchen chair to hold on to and beat him with the belt which usually left a lot of marks. Usually it would be minor stuff that Luke did and Luke developed a hatred for the man for it. Grace usually just backed him up and would state that Luke shouldn’ve been doing whatever he was doing to deserve the punishment and that would be that. Russell lived in a trailer park so after everyone moved in with him, Aspen and Luke developed some new friends right away. Everyone in the trailer park knew everyone else and there was always gossip going around, not to mention half naked older women always walking around. Aspen and Luke missed their Grandpa something awful and they loved going to stay some weekends with him back in the beautiful country. They would constantly tell him that they didn’t like the situation they were in. Not to mention Grace’s family did not fully accept Russell.

One day while Grace was at work after having a week full of arguments with Russell about various things from his drinking, his two kids, his baby mother, etc..she called to speak with Russell like she normally would any other day and that’s when a woman named Tonya answered the phone. Grace was confused for a moment and asked who the f*** are you??! and that’s when the lady said well my name is Tanya and I’m laying right next to your husband. What I didn’t mention before is that with Grace’s previous boyfriend of many years is that this is the same woman that he had cheated on her with also. Grace saw red for a minute and hung up the phone…she immediately went to her supervisor and said there’s been an emergency and I need to leave now…Grace walked to her car and sped off in a rage to the house thinking about what she was going to do when she arrived ……………………

Continued…

Aspen realized that her mother wasn’t moving and started to panic. She ran and told her Grandpa that her mother was not waking up. Her grandpa immediately picked up the phone and called 911. Aspen’s aunt Amanda was coming through the door around the time all this commotion was going on. She walked in the room and started shaking Grace with force. She also slapped her about 4 or 5 times trying to get a response. At about the 5th slap Grace started to open her eyes as the Ems was coming through the door. Aspen and Luke was very emotional as the ems was carrying their mother out the door. Emotional in the sense that they were glad that she was ok and also kind of mad because they didn’t understand why she would have done something like that. Over the next couple of days Aspen and Luke’s family was surrounding them and explaining that everything was going to be ok and that their mother was going to get the help that she needed. Aspen and Luke had a very traditional family. Everyone was/or had been in school for something. They were all church going people, and absolutely 0 tolerance for that type of situation. A couple of days went by before Aspen and Luke finally saw their mother again. When they say her she immediately busted down in tears, so did they. She apologized over and over for what she had done and explained that it wasn’t their fault that she had done what she had done. She said that she was going to stop drinking and try to get her life together. That lasted about two weeks …to be continued

Signs to look for in depression

-Signs of hopelessness and helplessness

-Person has lost interest in friends, activities, and things they used to enjoy

-They feel tired all the time

-Sleep and appetite has changed

-You can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try

-You are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual

-You’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior

 

these are brief signs/symptoms to look for in a specific loved one or even yourself. Who knows it could help save a life. There’s always help available. No one should feel like they have to take their life or have no way out.

if you are feeling suicidal please call  1-800-273-TALK in the U.S. or visit IASP or Suicide.org to find a helpline in your country.

Where It Started…

Im going to start this story in third person because to me anything is easier to tell as a story than rather blab on about myself because honestly who really cares???

Aspen’s childhood was relatively good. She lived in a small town where there was nothing but large amounts of land and tobacco fields. Aspen never really knew her dad because he was incarcerated since she was small. The only time she would hear about him was when her mother would ponder and talk about the good ole times they had when she was a teenager which seemed to be all the time when she was drinking. She was 6 years old when her mother came in one day and told her that she had tracked her dad down in some run down hotel in a city nearby. Aspen never really knew why her mother tried to track him down so much or even why she cared. Honestly they were doing just fine without this stranger of a man. Grace (Aspen’s mom) seemed to run to boyfriend to boyfriend but she never really ever had any luck. One boyfriend in particular she had been with for a while but he ended up cheating on her and left Grace as a mess again. Aspen seemed to think this is why she drank all the time because she always had to have a man in her life.Thats when Aspen promised herself that she would never feel like that. She would never feel like she had to depend on a man who would love, support, or make her feel like she mattered.

Im getting ahead of myself though. Aspen’s earliest memory of her dad wasnt that great. You would think that finally seeing her dad would make her happy but it always felt short lived because even at 6 years old she knew it wasnt going to last…it never did. He was a tall handsome man. Around 6’7…dark hair…dark brown eyes and her mother always seemed to be a sucker for him. Grace had Aspen at 17 so they practically grew up together. Aspen’s father Trey always seemed to be a smooth talker. Whenever Aspen and her brother Luke was around he would talk about how they were finally going to be a family and he was going to settle down and finally be a dad. Aspen always in a sense hoped this was going to be true but to her dismay after a month or two of talking her dad would end up in prison again or nowhere to be found. Aspen always thought her mom Grace seemed a little lost. Grace lost her mom at a very young age and had always somewhat depended on her dad Mason. That’s who Aspen, Luke, and Grace were living with now.

Aspen always loved her grandfather and always loved living with him. Grandpa Mason would spoil Apsen and Like to no end and his house always felt like “home”. While Grace would go out on whichever date she had found he was the one who watched them most of the time or either they stayed with their baby sitter Missy. Missy had two kids one girl named Katie who was Aspen’s age and another older son named Greg who was 10 at the time. Aspen and her brother loved to be at their house. Their house seemed like another world. Missy was so loving towards her kids and made Aspen and Luke feel like her own. They would have campfires..go swimming..walk around the block acting way older than what they were. Aspen was just happy being around her best friend Katie. It was like having the sister she never had.

One day Aspen noticed that her mother was crying more than usual and drinking very heavily. She seemed very distant that day and didn’t talk too much. At about 5 pm that night Grace told Aspen & Luke that she was going to bed. Aspen & Luke was kind of relieved because honestly they were sick of Grace’s emotions that day. Aspen was going to the kitchen to get something to drink when she noticed two big pills laying on the floor in the middle hallway..Aspen always had a six sense as you can say and felt like something wasn’t right….She went to her moms room and gave her a gentle shake…..nothing…she tried again….nothing……to be continued ..

 

 

A Fresh Start

Let me start by saying I am NOT a writer, I don’t have a degree in literature, and I certainly do not have any experience in blogging.  I am in my mid- twenties, have an average job, and have been through quite a lot in my  semi-short days of living. I don’t know what made me want to start a blog. Here I am at 10:00 at night sitting at my desk, waiting for my next call, and something just compelled me to share some of my experiences and maybe even help a few people out along the way. Just writing this first blog feels like a burden is being lifted off of my chest & the reason to which is unknown but I feel like this is going to be a very interesting journey and I cant wait to share it with you. So get comfortable, get ready for some true life insight, and come along with me through the roller coaster of this life. My identity and the people in my blog will be hidden. Maybe one day I will share this with the world, but I have a feeling life is about to become very interesting.